#yes the genders do matter here. i very much doubt that the fandom reaction to kit would be the same if he was a girl

[mothintheflames]

not to throw hands on main but it's crazy that some of y'all will forgive a boy for planning to kill someone (in exchange for a soul tbf), rejecting a love confession in her stead and falsely claiming that she's actually going out with him, refusing to accept no for an answer, and going into her house without her permission or knowledge to steal from her, but will hate on a girl for rejecting his romantic advances because she did it on the grounds of a trait that he couldn't control.

[outivv]

SBCUVBHFD- So,,, The Boys' crush who just makes it their daily mission to tease the hell out them. Like constantly hugging them from behind, kissing their hand, telling them they look handsome, often kissing their ear from behind then running out, etc. They'll even say," Hurry up and kiss me you handsome bastard." They basically just have no shame when it comes to The Boys.

Synopsis: y/n constantly teasing the tall boys + Scaramouche (because I’m in that kinda mood today, ok? 🥲)

Warnings: I cure once in Dainsleifs part, also probably a lot of grammar, and spelling mistakes this is a long one and I didn’t proofread it :’)

Game/ fandom: genshin impact

Characters: Diluc, kaeya, childe, zhongli, Dainsleif, and Scaramouche (I hope it was ok that I added Scaramouche!)

Pronouns for reader: gender neutral/ not mentioned

A/n: hello! Thank you for requesting! I’m extremely tired because I just got my first shot of the covid vaccine, but I was in a desperate need to write fluff, so fr thank you for requesting ☺️! I’ve got a slight Scaramouche brainrot right now, so I added him in the headcanons if that’s alright! But, aside from that I hope you enjoy, and remember to take care of yourself! Drink water, eat something if you haven’t yet, or take a nap!

— zhongli —

The first few times you go out of your way to tease zhongli, he’s definitely taken aback before saying something like, “ah... can I help you?” He genuinely thought that you may need something, but you only shook your head and hugged him. He wasn’t going to deny you of your wishes that’s for sure, so he wrapped his arms around you.

He’s definitely a bit flustered every time you tease him, but will try to stay composed. He’s never going to say no to you if you want a hug, or just some attention. While you’re not dating it’s definitely going to seem like you are.

He loves when you call him handsome. He can’t comprehend how much he loves it. He’ll typically smile, and say, “thank you Y/n you look beautiful/handsome/ amazing yourself.”

He really likes when you comment on his eyes. That is something that he loves. It’s difficult to explain my reasoning, but zhongli finds eyes attractive, like it’s something that he thinks is just really pretty on people. And I will frequently gaze at your eyes from afar. So when you compliment his eyes he gets super happy :)

Hates it when you run away from him after teasing him. He hates it but finds it cute at the same time. He thinks if you’re really that bold to tease him, why not stay for a bit? Surely you’re not shy? You just complimented his eyes, how could you run away from him?

When you say “kiss me you handsome bastard.” His reaction could go one of two ways. Either he’s like, “y/n! Eh hem... that... right.” While blushing profusely. Or he’ll smile a bit chuckling, and may even take you up on the opportunity. If all depends on when you say something like that. If he’s jut used to your teasing remarks then yeah he’s going to be shocked, but if he is used to it then he’ll slightly brush it off.

— childe —

Hmm... he views your teasing as a competition. But he loses every time. He’ll try his hardest, but you tease him a little bit too much and he will melt on the spot.

He’s a pretty touchy guy himself, so he doesn’t mind when you back hug him, but if he’s around some fellow harbingers he’s going to be a bit more... stiff? No... a better word is agitated. He needs to keep up a bit of an image around them, so he’s going to be pretty upset when you try to tease him.

I think he likes when you kiss his hands the most. He feels almost... sad though? His hands have dealt so much bloodshed, and you’re kissing them? Do you know what he’s done? Who he’s killed. Just so he can be alive... and in this moment with you. It makes him have a melancholy feeling, but he can’t get enough of it.

Childe craves for you to call him pretty, handsome, or just attractive. He actually likes being called pretty the most. It makes him so flustered because he’s like, “me? Pretty? ...really?” And when you nod and say, “yes you dork, I’m talking about you! You’re the prettiest boy I’ve ever met.” In a teasing tone. He gets all giddy and happy. He feels like a twelve year old who’s crush just told him that they liked him. And he loves it.

Don’t even try to run away from him. He’ll catch up. And when he does. You won’t escape the cheesy pick up lines. He knows they’re cheesy, and that’s the whole point. He knows they’re stupid, and that’s why he saves them for this event specifically.

He chuckles when you say “kiss me you tall handsome bastard.” Really? You think he’s tall? Well that added a bit to his ego. He’s chuckling but he knows that he looks as red as a tomato right now. He knows how hard he’s blushing, but he doesn’t care.

— kaeya —

Also someone who views it as a competition. But he takes it seriously. He’ll get flustered a decent amount, but you have to do things very precisely. If he teases you first, then you gotta come back 10x stronger than he was. And he’ll be blushing while trying to brush it off as best as possible. He typically isn’t prepared for you to tease him back, so it’s an easy way to win.

Loves hugs. It’s so sweet and innocent, and it makes Kaeya all soft. It’s a small break from work, his past, the world, just everything. Your arms are his safe space, and he frequently visits.

I don’t care what you say he loves when you kiss bear his eyepatch. His right side is his blind spot, so you being on the right side of him means that he trusts you. So having you near his eyepatch really shows how much he trusts you. Plus whether you know what he’s hiding under that eyepatch or not doesn’t matter, it shows that you don’t care and still love him whenever you kiss near it.

I think he kinda likes being called handsome. Like... how do I explain without fueling this mans ego. He knows. Others have told him how handsome he is. Now calling him pretty, or gorgeous? Loves it. He hasn’t been told that he’s pretty very much, so it’ll make him a little flustered. And it makes him feel super happy :)

Doesn’t care if you run away from him. You can try of course, but he’ll find you eventually. He’s going to stall for time, because he probably knows where you are, but just wants you to get all anxious. Not in a bad way of course, but in a way of “you know that he’s going to tease you relentlessly, and make fun of you a little bit.” I mean Kaeya will literally laugh at how you ran away so quickly from him. He’ll do it. Don’t test him. He doesn’t mean any harm from it, but does like teasing you.

Saying something like “kiss me already you handsome bastard” will only make him raise an eyebrow and say, “oh? Why not kiss me yourself?” Which it’s up to you to decide what to do from here. I’m not helping you, that’s on you >:)

— Diluc —

Help this poor man. He just wants to admire you from afar and tell you how amazing you look, not being so flustered he feels too nervous to talk! Almost everything gets him flustered, but he’ll get used to it after a while.

He really likes when you quickly kiss his forehead, and then go back to what you were doing or just keep talking. It makes him think for a second, but he really likes it.

He really likes when you just grab onto his arm, or hand out of nowhere. He knows it’s to tease him, but feels like he’s protecting you in a way, especially if you’re in a crowd of people. He’ll feel a little bit of pride swell up in his chest, which it’s your choice to tease him for his sudden change in confidence or not. Either way he’ll have a slight blush dusting his cheeks.

He gets so flustered when you call him handsome. Especially if you call him pretty, or anything else. Handsome is the term he’s most familiar with I guess, but pretty??? Oh boy, that’s new. A good new? Yeah definitely.

When you run away from him he’ll be a little sad, but then realize he can just catch up to you. Which he will, but he doesn’t know what to do once he actually does. He’ll probably just stare at you, and say something like, “why’d you run away” while panting like a dog. Hey just because he can run fast doesn’t mean he didn’t work really hard to catch up to you. Especially if you ran a long ways, or if you can run fast.

When you say stuff like “kiss me already you handsome bastard” he’ll be decently flustered, but depending on where you are, he’ll either kiss you on the cheek, or say “later.” And then move on. He does keep his promise though.

— Dainsleif —

Help this poor man pt 2. He doesn’t know what to do, or how to react. Should he tease you back? Should he let himself be flustered? Dammit what should he do!

Dainsleifloves subtle touches, he loves when you hold onto his hand, or brush some hair out of his face. Maybe even a little peck on the cheek. He knows that isn’t really teasing but still!

Absolutely goes soft if you touch his right arm. Treating it with such care, even though to him it looks like an eyesore. He never thought about looking at it differently, the blue veins shimmering under your touch is a gentle reminder of how he’s here today.

He loves being called handsome, pretty, beautiful, gorgeous, just everything. He loves it all. He lowkey craves your attention, but doesn’t want to ask for it, so when you call him pretty/ beautiful/ gorgeous/ etc it makes him feel supper soft and happy.

He didn’t understand why you run away from him. I mean you’ve gotta come back eventually, you left all your travel gear/stuff with him! And those are all important things might I add. Plus you left Dainsleif standing there by himself. Another important thing you forgot as you ran away.

Calling him a handsome bastard as is makes him flustered, but adding a ‘kiss me already’ before that?! Wow this man is just putty in your arms. Doesn’t know what to do other than... fill out your request. Don’t doubt him. He’ll do it.

— Scaramouche —

This man couldn’t give to flying f- oh what’s that? Giving him attention, and love that he really wants from you but flat out doesn’t know how to ask and didn’t want to seem weak? Yeah he’ll take that thank you. :D

He’s a bit all over the place when you tease him. He’s very conflicted. Because, home one side of him wants that attention, what if the other harbingers find out? What if you’re just messing with him? He’s gotta keep up an image you know.

While he’s very conflicted on how he feels about your affection, he does know one thing. He loves when you back hug him. Whether you’re taller than him, shorter, or same height, he loves it. If anyone who’s a lower rank than him tries to say anything, he’ll give them a death glare, and make a mental note for later.

He’ll subconsciously tear you a bit by wrapping a arm around you. It’s a weird way of saying “I’ve got a crush on them to if anyone says anything to hurt them, or if you try to hit on them I’ll personally murder you.” To other people without... saying that. Though he would say that, that’s not my point.

He has a weird relationship with being called pretty/handsome/etc. like it makes him feel happy and flusters him, but he’s also like “no I’m not. Me? Pretty? No. Flat out no.” He can’t just take the compliment.

Hahaha try to run away from him. I dare you. You brought this upon yourself when you said he had gorgeous eyes (he does but not the point!) so you better except your fate now. He’s either going to force you to say it again, or dare you to say it again.

Hated when you said “kiss me you handsome bastard” he hates it. But only because it made him want to kiss you more than he already did. So... that was mildly annoying to him, but it’s fine he lowkey loves you.

[inessencedevided]

The Untamed, episode 45 - watching notes

I'm at this stage of fandom rn where it's really hard to concentrate on anything else 😅

Every song I listen to gets dissected for how it relates to wangxian

I need to concentrate on my thesis but instead I'm pondering how the untamed raises questions about collectivism vs individualism and how my western perception of that might differ greatly from a native chinese person or even the author's intention

Can't I just write my thesis about THAT?

Alas, I digress ...

Back to our regular programming :D

Last time one Sophie watches the untamed wwx went all Sherlock on us and used his formidable skills of deduction to expose Backpfeifengesicht's plan of killing everyone and blaming it on wwx

I've heard from several people that the next few episodes are their favourites, so no high expectations at all :D

Nobody wipes the blood on their chins away. Might be about the aesthetic

I adore detective-duo-wangxian so much!! Especially because wwx does 99% of the talking but then lwj will chime in with a single word and it's 100% devastating :D

If anyone knows any well written case-fics for these two, please, I need recs! (For after the show)

Backpfeifengesicht makes good one point and that is that jgy already is at the top of the cultivation world. So what does he gain from all this?

Or is it simply that he's afraid of wwx because he's a rebel and might act against him? (Don't answer that. I wanna find out through the show ;))

Wwx just casually revealed that he's been to cloud recess and that he handles went to the restricted section forbidden chamber. What will you do about, Lan Qiren? Huh? 😂

Oooh! Backpfeifengesicht is the ghosted faced man! I thought it was Jiggy himself!!! 😱

That makes way more sense though!

Lan Sizhui! Jin Ling! Oh you brave boys! 😭

Someone hold me 😭

But why does he not take zidian now? He's done so before!

"You little fool!" Is "I love you" in Jiang-Cheng-speak :D

"We're done for! What can we do??" - wwx *strips*

Sorry

Bahahaha 😂😂😂

I just burst out laughing waaay to loudly for the fact that I've got people sleeping in the room next to mine

But look at Lan Qiren when he sees wwx strop to reveal anat is probably his nephew's undershirt 😂😂😂

He's probably questioning every decision that's let him to this point :D

This is completely inconsequential,but I couldn't keep quiet about it anymore because I every time he makes this motion, it always sends a shiver down my spine!!! Notice that wwx (or rather Xiao Zhan) is one of these people whose fingers bend in the opposite direction??? I know it's just a normal thing some people can do, but I can't watch it!! It makes my fingers hurt just looking at it 🙈🙈🙈

Is he turning himself into a demon lure flag?? 😱

Lan Jingyi 🥺🥺🥺

Also does wwx now just transfer his self-sacrificing tendencies to lwj?

Nothing is as hot as these two together in a fight scene

Jiang Cheng doesn't want to leave them behind. He does care! :') he just never unlearned how to unravel his love from his anger

Sizhui running up to greet his dads :')

Look at them! I'm soft guys 💔

He called him Yuan!! 😭😭😭

So this is it. Any doubts I ever had about Sizhui's identity are gone

Will he finally recognize him??

Why don't you say anything lwj? This one time, I beg you!!

Sect Leader Yao still at his gossip shit even 16 years later 🙄

Lam sizhyi is seasick! Why is this so cute! 😭

Oh Wen Ning!! He recognized A-Yuan? Right?

I want to hug Lan Sizhui for his openness and kindness towards everyone he meets, no matter their status or what other people say about them! (Wen Ning now or who he thought was Mo Xuanyu the supposed mad-man) and I wanna hug lan Wangji right after for raising him to be like this :')

Oh Wen Ning! 😭

That's how I'd look at Sizhui, too, if I met him - poor unadulterated wonder :')

And just think about what that means for Wen Ning! He's not the last of the Wens! All their fight wasn't for nothing. This child, their legacy, survived 😭😭😭

"Can I call you A-Yuan" "Of Course." God I'm gonna burst into tears 😭

I'm actually bursting into tears!!

Isn't this the dream of anyone who has ever lost someone? :')

"He's like a brother and father to me" :')

And he raised him from when he was 4 or 5? So ... A-Yuan was about 2 when the Wens died? Right? Then 5 would fit with lwj's 3 year isolation

Ob god, it's the butterfly-toy!!! 😭😭😭

Wen Nings smiling through his tears! I can't! 😭💔And he's got the one from the market!

Aww, wax isn't wearing the white undergarment anymore. Too bad

Oh poor Jin Ling ...

So much grieve that he could probably never process. There so many lost kids in this story, hurt by things they had no control over 😔

I mean, I get it. That's the person who killed his parents (without being in control, but he doesnt know that) and everyone is just talking to him as if it's normal and that didn't happen. But he can't forget,but he doesnt really understand either and he has no outlet. Of course he'd just ... crash 😥

And who would have thought I'd ever try at a flashback of Jin Zixuan's death :(

For once, it'd be nice if the adults actually acted like the parent figures they're supposed to be and explain things to their children 🤦‍♀️

I'm so thankful though, that no one even thinks of scolding him for crying. Jismg Cheng only asked who it was that made him cry (and looks like he'll kick their ass). Generally, thus show has a very healthy attitude towards tears. Most characters cry when they are faced with tragedy, regardless of gender. Men being allowed to have appropriate reactions to grieve (instead of a single men tear or just punching things) is really nice to see

Oh Yao dude whose courtesy name I can't remember, shut up!

Thanks Ouyang Zizhen! You get me

I live for these children standing up to their elders

Meanwhile Nie Huaisang is just on the sidelines, enjoying the show :D never change!

The Lotus Pier theme song alone is making me cry rn 😢

Why can't wen Ning come in?

Oh Sizhui!

He many times do you want to make me cry happy tears today?? :')

Little turnip-baby ❤

But why doesn't lwj say anything ??? 😭

Lan Wangji raised A-Yuan smong a bunch of rabbits??? 😭

Now he's a turnip baby with a taste for carrots, how cute is that? :')

Holy shit, wwx and lwj are really joined at the hip these days of lwj won't enter the hall if wwx isn't allowed to :D

Lwj 😑 "no misbehaviour"

Someone. Knows. Their. Husband.

Okay sorry, but as painful as these cuts must have been and yes, while you do see scars on this prostitute's face, they in no way warrant these horrified gasps as of they had all seen a monster 🙄

Xue yang. Fancy seeing you here in this not at all disturbing sub-plot 😬

Okay that's creepy. That's really creepy

Shouldn't Jin Guangyao have a bit more compassion for these women?

On the other hand, he was born to menacingly stand behind a curtain 🤷‍♀️

W. T. F. ????

Jin Guangshan??? o___O

That's the most skin we've ever seen on this show and it's in a scene like THIS? 😬

THIS IS HOW JIN GUANGSHAN DIED? 😱😱😱

How?

How can you die from sex?

And then jgy made them keep going?

UGH

These poor women :/

So there's someone who set her free on purpose, right?

Bicao has really interesting eyes!

Oh wait, took me some time to catch up. This is about Quin Su and why she killed herself, right?

WHAT??

They were siblings o_O

They just went full game of thrones on this ...

Hey Jin Guangshan, screw you for raping that woman

Wait, is that why jgy had him die like THAT?

I'm so confused about how that happened btw

But why would Jin Guangyao merry quin su anyway? Was this some kind of political marriage that he couldn't call off?

This episode answered some of my questions but raised about a dozen more 😅

@sweetlittlevampire @fandom-glazed @elenirlachlagos @allhailthedramallama @luckymoony @kyrrahbird @i-love-him-on-purpose

5 episodes to go. I'm both happy because I can't wait to brows the untamed tag without looking for spoilers and extremely sad 🥺

Right now I'm planning to watch one episode each day until friday and then watch the last two on Saturday, hopefully quite early, so I can spend the rest of the day crying my eyes out over it, without having to worry about such trivial things as being a functioning adult or a responsible student 😅

[ghosthunthq]

Oliver is autistic, I will die on this hill

by @snavej

Noun

hill to die on (plural hills to die on)

(idiomatic) An issue to pursue with wholehearted conviction and/or single-minded focus, with little or no regard to the cost.

X~X~X

And so our story begins…

Okay, so if you’ve been around the fandom on Tumblr/Fanfiction.net, you will probably have seen me write “Oliver is autistic, I will die on this hill” on a post or story. If you have not, then, you have now. Congrats.

I came to this revelation maybe three years ago now. I had been in a discussion with some fandom friends and something in the conversation had made me wonder if Oliver was autistic.

We’ve all seen the cliche representations of autistic people in the media, especially those coded as such without explicit confirmation. For example, Sheldon Cooper from the Big Bang Theory. These characters are often there for comedic value, where we, the audience, laugh at them for their disability. The shows get away with it because they never explicitly state the character is autistic. 

I’m getting off track already.

So after the discussion mentioned before, I went away and began my research - to Google! Now, I have to admit, part of my curiosity regarding this matter is because I have been told I write Oliver well. Personally, I feel I write him a little OOC, but I like how I write him so it doesn’t bother me. I write Oliver as a version of myself. So my thought patterns at the time were that if Oliver was autistic, could I be too?

Oh yes, you thought you were just here for an educational piece about autism? Nope, you’re getting the whole damn story as to why I will die on this hill.

So I did my research and I found lists of signs of autism. I devoured internet articles and soon it was all I was interested in. I even bought a book titled ‘Aspergirls’ by Rudy Simone (who is autistic). If any of you read this piece and start wondering if you’re autistic (and you’re female, more on gender later!), I cannot recommend this book highly enough. I literally cried reading it.

The signs!

Okay so what are all these signs, let’s start a list! Autistic people can have:

Rituals that they refuse to change,

Odd or repetitive movements,

Unusual sensory reactions,

Be clumsy or awkward,

Nervous in large social groups,

Have a hard time making friends,

Speak in unusual ways or with an odd tone of voice,

Talk only about themselves/their interests,

Have narrow, often obsessive interests,

Want to be alone, or want to interact but not know how,

Avoid eye contact,

Have a hard time understanding body language,

Have trouble understanding other people’s feelings or talking about their own feelings,

Poor/abnormal posture, often sit on chairs oddly,

Trouble with left, right and other directions,

Large or unique vocabulary,

Lack of organisation,

Intense compassion/empathy,

Intense anger or no anger at all,

Connections with animals,

Difficulty understanding pop culture, styles, trends, etc.

Rigid in their ways,

Easily distressed,

Delayed speech and language,

Lack of imitation of others or imaginative play,

Indifferent to the feelings of others,

Sensitive to light and sound,

Self-stimulatory behaviours (stimming)

Echolalia (repeating or echoing words or phrases)

Unusual emotional responses,

Meltdowns,

Responds adversely to physical affections,

Does not initiate conversation,

Very poor diet,

Frequently walks on tiptoes,

Socially withdrawn/socially awkward,

Self-injurious behaviour,

Makes irrelevant remarks,

Difficulty with abstract language and concepts,

Need for sameness,

Severe upset when routines are disrupted,

Attachment to unusual objects,

Fascination with spinning objects,

Good memory for repeating lists or facts,

Unlikely to discriminate against someone on basis of race/gender/age etc.

Unlikely to give superior status to the wealthy or those high up in an organisation,

Have their own set of values,

Can hyperfocus,

Struggle to separate themselves from their work,

Lack the ability to filter information received, 

Alexithymia - the inability to describe emotions in a verbal manner,

Likes patterns, putting things in order,

Often limits diet,

Often wears the same clothes,

Black or white thinking,

Auditory processing disorder…

Okay, I’ll stop there. I could probably go on if I wanted to, because although I’ve written a lot of things there, these are all manifestations of the clinical diagnosis criteria.

X~X~X

Diagnostic Criteria for 299.00 Autism Spectrum Disorder

Persistent deficits in social communication and social interaction across multiple contexts, as manifested by the following, currently or by history (examples are illustrative, not exhaustive; see text):

Deficits in social-emotional reciprocity, ranging, for example, from abnormal social approach and failure of normal back-and-forth conversation; to reduced sharing of interests, emotions, or affect; to failure to initiate or respond to social interactions.

Deficits in nonverbal communicative behaviours used for social interaction, ranging, for example, from poorly integrated verbal and nonverbal communication; to abnormalities in eye contact and body language or deficits in understanding and use of gestures; to a total lack of facial expressions and nonverbal communication.

Deficits in developing, maintaining, and understand relationships, ranging, for example, from difficulties adjusting behaviour to suit various social contexts; to difficulties in sharing imaginative play or in making friends; to absence of interest in peers.

Specify current severity:

Severity is based on social communication impairments and restricted, repetitive patterns of behaviour.

Restricted, repetitive patterns of behaviour, interests, or activities, as manifested by at least two of the following, currently or by history (examples are illustrative, not exhaustive; see text):

Stereotyped or repetitive motor movements, use of objects, or speech (e.g., simple motor stereotypes, lining up toys or flipping objects, echolalia, idiosyncratic phrases).

Insistence on sameness, inflexible adherence to routines, or ritualized patterns of verbal or nonverbal behaviour (e.g., extreme distress at small changes, difficulties with transitions, rigid thinking patterns, greeting rituals, need to take same route or eat same food every day).

Highly restricted, fixated interests that are abnormal in intensity or focus (e.g., strong attachment to or preoccupation with unusual objects, excessively circumscribed or perseverative interests).

Hyper- or hyporeactivity to sensory input or unusual interest in sensory aspects of the environment (e.g. apparent indifference to pain/temperature, adverse response to specific sounds or textures, excessive smelling or touching of objects, visual fascination with lights or movement).

Specify current severity:

Severity is based on social communication impairments and restricted, repetitive patterns of behaviour.

Symptoms must be present in the early developmental period (but may not become fully manifest until social demands exceed limited capacities, or may be masked by learned strategies in later life).

Symptoms cause clinically significant impairment in social, occupational, or other important areas of current functioning.

These disturbances are not better explained by intellectual disability (intellectual developmental disorder) or global developmental delay. Intellectual disability and autism spectrum disorder frequently co-occur; to make comorbid diagnoses of autism spectrum disorder and intellectual disability, social communication should be below that expected for general developmental level.

Note: Individuals with a well-established DSM-IV diagnosis of autistic disorder, Asperger’s disorder, or pervasive developmental disorder not otherwise specified should be given the diagnosis of autism spectrum disorder. Individuals who have marked deficits in social communication, but whose symptoms do not otherwise meet criteria for autism spectrum disorder, should be evaluated for social (pragmatic) communication disorder.

Taken from: https://www.cdc.gov/ncbddd/autism/hcp-dsm.html

X~X~X

Back to the story

So I went to my doctor after all of this reading. I was convinced. Nothing had ever made so much sense to me in my entire life as reading about autism.

I was, at this point, what people in the autism community call “self-diagnosed”. Now I was lucky, I could go on to get a “proper” diagnosis. Not everyone is as lucky. Many doctors do not believe that girls/women can be autistic. Many doctors do not believe that ethnic minorities can be autistic. Many doctors do not believe adults can be autistic. In some countries, people do not have free healthcare and so they cannot afford a diagnosis. There are many reasons why people can’t/won’t get diagnosed.

The point I’m trying to make is that if you see someone posting about being self-diagnosed, don’t be all “oh but a doctor hasn’t said it so you’re not”, because that person does not need your doubt and it does not help anyone. Their self-diagnosis helps them to navigate their life and it does not hurt anyone. Honestly, the amount of people that are “wrong” about their self-diagnosis is probably very small, and those that are probably have some other kind of neurodivergent condition such as ADHD.

Anyway, my doctor gave me a form to fill in, a questionnaire. A series of questions aimed very much at the male expression of autism. I felt horrible at the time, because I knew exactly how to answer these questions to fill the boxes required. I knew because I had read so much about autism that I knew what they wanted to hear.

I filled it in honestly. I scored highly enough anyway.

My doctor did not know who to refer me to. She had never had to refer an adult before. She asked around and found out what to do; I got put on a waiting list.

A while later, at work, I found out I could get tested privately and work would pay for it. Oh, how I love my job. I spoke to someone who had been the manager of another employee who had gone through the process. That helped.

I talked to the man who was supposed to be the disability advisor, he made me fill in the same questionnaire that my doctor did. I filled it in again.

I was on another waiting list.

The advisor had also recommended me a book, which I bought and read and hated. The language used very much implied that I would never be ‘great’, just ‘coping’. It was written by a neurotypical person. I told the advisor by email that this book was stupid and damaging. He did not reply.

Months later, the private assessment happened. I spent an entire day with a clinical psychologist and a speech and language therapist. My parents and manager came too. I answered questions, had to explain things to them, made up stories with random objects. My parents, mainly my mother, talked about my childhood.

At the end of it all, they decided I was autistic.

I was ecstatic.

The day before, a person at work said I was a hypochondriac. One of those people who read about conditions on the internet and convince myself that I have them. I still do not talk to that person.

Finally, everything made sense. Finally, I had a reason why people made fun of me for reasons I could not fathom. Finally, my weirdness had a name.

X~X~X

The Gender Issue

So there is a ‘gender issue’ with autism and it’s diagnosis. Everything is aimed at young (white) boys. It’s designed for the stereotype of the young boy who likes to collect trains. And that’s why there are five times as many autistic boys in comparison with girls.

People of colour, women and girls are very often undiagnosed or misdiagnosed.

Generalised anxiety disorder, depression, OCD, social anxiety disorder, panic disorder, various eating disorders, borderline personality disorder, ADHD��

The list goes on.

Now, that’s not to say many girls don’t have these things. Often they do. But often they have those and autism.

I very much doubt there is five times as many autistic boys. I think there are just a hell of a lot of women and girls who are undiagnosed.

Why this disparity? Well, autism presents differently in girls, or perhaps, society sees it differently.

When a young boy is quiet and withdrawn, happy to play by themselves, something is wrong. When a girl is quiet and withdrawn, she’s just shy. There’s also a lot of evidence to suggest that girls are a lot better at masking their autism.

Essentially, due to the societal pressure on young girls, they hide their autism and mimic their peers. That’s why the most common time for a woman to get diagnosed with autism is when she has children of her own and they’re getting diagnosed.

Is it genetic? There’s no strict evidence of an ‘autistic’ gene, I don’t think. But its quite common. When I was getting tested, I gave the previously mentioned book to my mother and said, “Hey, can you read this, I think I have this”. My mother read the book and told me she thought she had given it to me. She got tested two months ago.

I also look at my father and see many of the traits. But he has no interest in getting tested.

If you’re intersted, google “autism in girls” or something similar, there are plenty of resources.

The result

So I have my diagnosis, my work is fully informed. I am now protected by the Disability Act. I can’t use disabled parking spaces, but some autistic people can, if they need it.

What does this mean for me? It means that my employer has to make adjustments for me to make me comfortable for work. Changing the lighting, giving me a quiet place to work, working with me on deadlines and stuff. They know now (officially) that I have issues with auditory processing, and that they should take that into account.

I’m lucky, my employer has been good about this, and it is in their interest to. Autistic people can be an asset to any company. They are often experts in their chosen field and will work solidly on stuff they enjoy.

Lots of autistic people are not as lucky. They are one of the highest unemployed groups. Workplaces are full of unwritten rules that are hard for autistic people. This brings me on to…

Autism Acceptance Month

April is Autism Acceptance Month. You may see this as Autism Awareness Month in some places. But I don’t like that. “Awareness months” and “awareness days” are often reserved for horrible diseases like cancer, for which we want a cure.

There are a lot of resources out there from damaging institutions this month, such as Autism Speaks. They are advocating for a cure and also promote ABA (a type of ‘therapy’ that is disgusting and should not be allowed). If you take anything from all this, please do not support Autism Speaks.

There is no cure for Autism. It is a developmental disorder. It’s not a disease.

If you wanna do something for Autism Acceptance Month, there are some resources here: https://www.autism.org.uk/get-involved/world-autism-awareness-week.aspx

But what about the vaccines?

Of course, I cannot talk about autism without mentioning the vaccines!

In the 90s, about 1 in 150 children were diagnosed with autism, by the early 2000’s, this went up to 1 in 68. One of the big things that had changed in this time was the number of vaccines children had. 

There have been many studies regarding autism and vaccines. And there was one that said there was a link between autism and vaccines. In this study, there were 12 subjects.

Now I do statistics for a day job. So I can tell you categorically, that 12 subjects for a study is not enough for decisive proof. The person who did this study was struck off and rightly so.

But the media got hold of this idea.

And so the anti-vaxxers rose up, refusing to vaccinate their children from deadly diseases because obviously, being autistic was worse than being dead.

In summary, vaccinate your children.

Side note, I, as an autistic person, am allowed to make jokes about vaccines. For example, I received some vaccinations before travelling and joked with the nurse that I was ‘topping up my autism’. This is funny because we both knew it was wrong.

‘Autistic person’ vs ‘person with autism’

This one is a tricky one. I’ve seen arguments both ways.

‘Person with autism’ puts the person first, but also makes the autism sound like an accessory. 

‘Autistic person’ puts the disability first, but you can’t separate the person from the autism, it’s intrinsic to who they are.

Basically, this is up to the person. If they prefer one way or the other, use it. It’s like pronouns, you use what the person you’re talking about asks you to use.

Personally, I’m not too fussy, but I lean towards ‘autistic person’. 

Asperger’s vs Autism

Asperger’s was merged into the general Autism diagnosis criteria a while back. Asperger’s is what is sometimes called ‘high functioning autism’. The autism community do not like the term ‘high functioning’ because it denies aid, in the same way that ‘low functioning’ denies agency. The criteria for ‘low functioning’ is having an IQ under 70. So it’s quite broad.

Also people who have been classified as ‘high functioning’ don’t necessarily function well in everyday life without help.

Also, Hans Asperger’s was a bit of a knobhead, so a lot of people don’t like using his name.

Headcanons

A headcanon is a fan’s personal, idiosyncratic interpretation of canon, such as habits of a character, the backstory of a character, or the nature of relationships between characters. The term comes from the fact that it is the canon that exists in a fan’s head.

So when I say ‘Oliver is autistic’, this is my personal headcanon. Do I want it to become fanon? Yes, of course, I do. In the same way, I love that Yasuhara x Gene has become popular (for which I take full responsibility).

But if you disagree with it, that’s fine. You’re allowed to do that. I will not think any less of you for it. Because at the end of the day, the author has not come out and said ‘Oliver is autistic’.

Personally, as an autistic writer, who has always written some of her characters as autistic, whether she knew it or not, I suspect the author of Ghost Hunt might be an undiagnosed autistic person. Because Oliver is not the only person I recognise traits in… But that’s for another day.

If you only take one thing away from reading all of this, then let it be this:

If you’ve met one autistic person, that’s it. You have met ONE autistic person.

We’re all different, just like everyone else.

And now for what you’ve all been waiting for…

Continued in Part TWO